| trapped in sins |
[12 Aug 2008|10:54am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 numb |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
From Autumn to ashes- short stories with tragic endings |
] |
in my own prison. i still rot.. alone for now, and very lost.
open eyes. here is now.. leave them behind; i dont know how.
lost in myself for now. am i being selfish?
i'm not sure of myself anymore
you've made me so cold....
|
|
| bliss |
[06 Oct 2007|12:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cheerful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Silver sun pickups |
] |
It's wierd how the most simple things in life can bring you the most enjoyment.
I mean I just came back from a two hour walk.. to look for a desperatly needed job.. on that walk I was discovering again how beautiful the world I loathe is. I think this walk brought me more enjoyment than I've had in about a year.. I really dont know why.. I just felt free and without worry.. nothing on my mind.. and everyone who walked by me smiled as if they felt the same.
The day was new...
and so felt I...
It was just so good to be out... even though i was alone. I didn't feel alone..I felt alive..
From a walk...
wierd huh?
|
|
|
[02 Sep 2007|01:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 angry |
] |
FUCK!
|
|
| still here |
[18 Jul 2007|04:11am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 indescribable |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
opeth- closure |
] |
The beauty inside from which he dwells, covered in sadness in time might not heal.. The wicked in me thats destroyed the bells, of happiness ringing in this life of hell..
Come undone, but not to fast, for this life i life is very vast.. a different day, a different sorrow. I hope the pain is gone by tomorrow.. when you look you see addiction.. Can't we just end affliction.. when you look don't feel disdain. can't you see through all the pain?
|
|
| its been awhile |
[29 May 2007|05:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
different strokes right? ha... another day... another sorrow..
i'm so fucking done with feeling sorry for everyone. maybe if i acctually started worrying about myself i would get somewhere in life.. hmm so to keep you guys up to date.. i broke up with john in october.. started dating joseph in march. i've been working at walgreens since march as well.. ummm im done doing the porn thing.. for the most part at least.. im still doing solo work..
still looking for a job in modeling... if anyone hears anything hit me up...
i miss all my friends who i havent got to hang with... if it feels like im blowing you guys off.. im really sorry.. just going through some tough times right now... to all my family.. im sorry your not here but i love you guys very much..
im at a loss for words right now so i guess i'll just leave you with this... i love you guys
Still Here, Violet
|
|
| sometimes you cant be all you wish you could |
[27 Aug 2006|05:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
jason mraz-absoloutly zero |
] |
i love you.. but your too busy loving yourself to know how much i care.. and today i dreamt of you and it made me realize that maybe loves not worth a life of misery and destruction... love shouldn't be suicide...
MAKE UP YOUR MIND IT'S BEEN A YEAR AND A HALF!!!!!!!
|
|
| ahhhhhhhhhh |
[27 Jun 2006|11:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
angry |
] |
would someone please remind me why i have the friends i have
|
|
| sandy sun down |
[04 Jun 2006|05:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
indescribable |
] |
crrashing waves drown out there crys... and all i saw were grey skys.
|
|
| delemma |
[03 Jan 2006|03:44am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
lonely |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Staind-In Your Eyes |
] |
I really want to let him go.. tried once before but he wont take me seriously... i've made it totally clear that i was serious ... but me being so weak... i love him so i dont want to break his heart.... sometimes it feels like he has no heart.. like he's just using me for his own little fucking amusement.. I CANT HANDLE IT!!!!!!!!! i'm not satisfied with this relationship... and were fighting more than we get along..... if i know this relationship isn't going anywhere i'd rather just end it now .. to save the time and the pain... if anyone has an opinion to offer, I'm all ears.
|
|
| rollin balls |
[03 Dec 2005|12:38am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Staind-right here |
] |
i wish u loved me as much as i love you
|
|
| Born to be Down |
[01 Nov 2005|08:48am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
lonely |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
pinback-Grey Machine |
] |
....and you just don't get it.
i know the person im referring to in this entry will never actually see it so im just gonna write.
when your on it your the most beautiful person i've ever met. i know its synthetic kinda happiness. but when its gone it seems your whole mind is clouded.. your attitude.. your judgement.. i love you. and your still the most beautiful person in the world.. with or with out it.. i just wish you can see that im just as beautiful when your not in the wave. i've been thinking more and more about you and i cant get you out of my head.. you always say that we will be ok and that things will turn out fine.. and things are fine right now..... but will they always be.... so crawl inside my head with me, i'll show you how it feels to be fucked up like me. so crawl inside my head with me i'll show you how it feels to be... to blame like me.. ashamed like me.
|
|
| what am i supposed to think? |
[30 Aug 2005|01:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
staind- yesterday |
] |
i dont even know what to think anymore... confusion at its best, i'd say. whenever i try to straighten things out with him i just get really upset... not sure that what he's saying, is what he's really thinking. if you know what i mean. i wish i could read his mind and see if he's just fucking with me. i just ask a question and brake down... not a good sign but im so in love and i only want him to feel the same about me. i dunno... it sucks relying on love.. i just wish i knew it was real..
Till next time..
violet
|
|
| what a month! |
[13 Aug 2005|09:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 distressed |
] |
wow what went wrong this month? hmmm....... abortions people in the e.r. dying.. homelessness .. people losing jobs..restraining orders... more restraining orders.. cps.. o shit..
WHAT A MONTH!!!!
|
|
| im more man than you! |
[01 Jul 2005|12:18pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
chipper |
] |
Your Brain is 60.00% Female, 40.00% Male |
Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female
You are both sensitive and savvy
Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed
But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve |
|
|
|
[30 Jun 2005|08:40am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blank |
] |
as i watched the sun come up i saw my shadow fade once more..
|
|
| trip |
[27 Jun 2005|03:20am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 accomplished |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
voices in my head |
] |
so five dollar make ya holla came up.. a five hour drive to lancaster..... interesting it was. ha so a five hour drive to lancaster in a car with 4 seats... and six people.... hmm. well, there was MJ, he was in the trunk.. rob, jon , and john, and i were in the back on laps... mare bear up front.. and gawd was upp front driving. it was hotter than hell with no ac in the car. how convinient! you got six fucking crazy ass ravers in a car stuck in LA traffic.. with people yealling... "CHICKEN TENDERS OWN!" out the window at randown people who looked like they wanted to shoot us. we finally reached the 14 freeway, after dodging a cop.. i was so funny MJ was in the trunk and he wouldn't shut his mouth to save his fuckin life. so everyone was making fun of him the whole way up. so we finally told him to get down cuz the was a cop.... there were no cops. it was funny he stayed down like the whole time.... finally we met up with speed racer and the gang.. at a circle k.. we all went to mcdonalds and chilled untill the hotline got turned on.. then this fuckin place was impossible to find.. we turned down the wrong dirt road and some mexican guys started throwing rocks at our car.. we got the fuck outta there. we got to the place we were supposed to be and waited fot the djs to finish setting up.i dropped... then went to go smoke out with this guy who offered.got stoned outta my mind when my pill started to hit me. HARD . i new the guys was trying to pull a move on me so i kept reminding him that i had a boyfriend. finally the fires wer set and the music started. he offered a massage... i took it of course.. but i made sure he didn't get to confortable.. and when he did i pushed him away.. but he kept trying so i told him to fuck off and i walked away. at this piont im beyond high.. i was fucked up beyong all reason... off of one pill!!! mmmm white doves. i danced a bit and went to go chill by the fire. i saw gawd he dropped 3 pills and had 9 tabs of acid... HOLY FUCK.. thats alot. mare bare had acid too.. so did john... as for the other jon.. he was also beyond fucked up.. it was his first rave.. rob was rob.. at about4 or 5 in the mornig the cops busted it.. we all stayed to protest since it was on private property... but cops weren't going for it and we had to leave.. we were like o shit what do we do .. cuz were all way too fucked up to drive.. so jon he only took 5 tabs of acid... he drove.. but he deserves the "fucked up" drivers liscence.. cuz hes good. any way royal took a different car. but i was funny you have a truck full of acid heads and e tard looking for a dennys in the middle of nowhere. haha what a trip.. so everyone met up at dennys and we all went to jokers wild's house for an after party... chilled and smoked for a while than went back to our house... but what a fuckin adventure it was... and that was my last roll for a while... i'm glad it was worth it.
|
|
| just another day |
[24 Apr 2005|05:55am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
indescribable |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
comercials... yaaaay |
] |
so i saw josh yesterday went to the gas station again like old times. it really made me happy. first it was kinda dead.... then chad, lou, and nix showed up then it got pretty fun. it was so funny we played rat screw... i mised that game so much.. its just not as fun unless i play it at the gas station. hmmm. pretty much slept all day today. then crused around, ate bomb ass pizza, and went over to lances to chill for a little bit. my sister gave me a big poofy bunny.. its all purple and ute and stuff.
on a different note. thought some shit over today. still a bit confused with the shit that runs through my head. try to make sense of any of it at all. it always seems to go negative. the only time i really do think postive is when its a very wrong situation for the other person.... or so it seems. i dont understand how someones opinion can be wrong. it can't! its what they feel. now i can understand if it was a fact or something it can be all the wrong or right in the world, but an opinion can never be really wrong.
hmph... well to bored to type .
END
|
|
| truth? |
[12 Apr 2005|06:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Doors-Riders On The Storm |
] |
secrets can really hurt people sometimes. but its a hard choice. will it hurt them more if u tell them ,or if u keep it from them. i know it depends on the situation. is it worth hurting one person to save another? .....or better yet to save yourself? im so confused...
|
|
|
[06 Mar 2005|01:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
confused |
] |
RAVES...X...LOVE... I MISS U TOM.
its funny how life works? you know.. one moment ur completely miserable, another moment it'll seem like there's all the hope in the world. its confusing, and gut wrentching. but maybe life does it on purpose and some day it will be a mix of both instead of just hate. maybe i'll see u on the other side.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
sereneexistance's journal